Leaving Freemasonry is a subject that is usually avoided. Dying as a freemason is respected (and rightly so) and leaving due to totally unavoidable circumstances that make membership impossible is regretted; but leaving because you’re just tired of it is something that we pretend doesn’t happen. Today, I would like to talk about that elephant in the room. You may recognise yourself in here somewhere. It’s not unusual. Personally, I feel like quitting about once a week (honestly).
TILL DEATH DO US PART:
I was at a Grand Lodge Membership Committee meeting when the subject of reducing the joining age to 18 was being discussed. There was one elderly gentleman who was particularly opposed to the idea stating that “Eighteen years of age is too young to expect someone to dedicate the rest of their lives to Freemasonry”. I suspect that, even in the good old days, freemasonry was never a life sentence. It was always possible to leave but, I suspect, the resultant shame and ostracism would have been a very real problem in a society where freemasonry was not only well known but well respected. Today, change is so commonplace, that the question “How many times have you been married?” is unlikely to be met with shock and outrage.
WHY DO PEOPLE QUIT?
The unfortunate truth is that a Lodge needs members to survive, but people can survive quite well without being members of Freemasonry. The reasons for quitting may be, at first sight, multitudinous but the truth is that it all boils down to a single cause. People join (and stay) in freemasonry because the pleasure it gives them is stronger than the pain they have to endure to remain in it. If a brother begins to resent the cost of his membership (be it in time, money or effort), then he won’t remain for long.
WHEN DO PEOPLE QUIT? AND WHAT CAN WE DO ABOUT IT?:
This is when we tend to lose members:
NEW MASTER MASONS: The most common time to lose a member is soon after he has become a Master Mason. This is the time when the enigma of the brotherhood starts to drop away and the work begins. They are very rarely booted out of the lodge and are given increasingly long charges to memorise (sometimes on short notice) in addition to the lines required of them to perform their duties as officers. Many times they haven’t discovered the other benefits of membership and so they wonder why they’re paying to put up with it.
DOES THAT SOUND LIKE YOU? You may have joined to experience the mysterious side of Freemasonry and so, when the mystery dissipates, you find yourself lacking the motivation that drew you to join in the first place. The easiest way to rekindle the mystery is to join another order. If you feel you can’t perform a charge then ask to receive a different one – or even none at all. It’s always good to push yourself slightly in order to grow but if you set yourself up to fail then you won’t be enjoying yourself.
MISSING MEETINGS: We all understand that sometimes missing meetings is unavoidable. If you’re sick, then your decision to not infect the rest of us is greatly appreciated. If you have family commitments then we understand that family trumps freemasonry every time. However, once you start skipping meetings because they’re inconvenient or your tired or you don’t have a role to play or there’s something good on TV, then that’s a danger signal. Once you start skipping meetings, it becomes easier to keep doing it.
DOES THAT SOUND LIKE YOU? If it’s just a matter of your schedules clashing then consider joining a different lodge. We’d be sorry to lose you but we’d be even more sorry to lose you from freemasonry entirely. If you’re just skipping a meeting because you can’t be bothered to show up then try to show up to our social events, or become a mentor to a new guy, or write an article for this blog, or even just turn up to the South. Work out what’s missing from your masonic life and find a way to get it back.
OVER COMMITMENT: This is the Achilles heel for many people with a Scanner personality. It doesn’t just lead to missing meetings, it’s far more toxic. Being talked into doing too many things (be it other Orders or anything else) results in a level of stress and shame that does terrible things to your physiological and psychological health. Many times our compassionate nature and desire to help will result in us saying “Yes” when we should really really be saying “No”. This is often a trait which runs throughout a person’s entire life and makes it a continuous living hell. Sometimes other people may take advantage of you; not necessarily maliciously, you’re just their ‘go to guy’. Other times you’re just your own worst enemy.
DOES THAT SOUND LIKE YOU? This is simultaneously the easiest and the hardest thing to cure. It’s easy because you know that if you don’t have the time, money, energy, patience, interest or any other resource required then you shouldn’t do it. But it’s hard because you’re a nice guy and you want to help the other person; or you’re a Scanner and you really really want to do this other thing. Patience young Skywalker. Let other people help or resign yourself to letting go of the least important thing in your life.
IMMEDIATE PAST MASTER: This is the second most common stage where we lose people. Some people are driven by the desire to ‘climb the ladder’. Once they become Worshipful Master they only have one or two years to breath in the heady odours of their success before they are shunted to the side – possibly for ever (if it’s a healthy lodge). It’s similar to when you had your first child. Before they came along, you were the most important thing in your lady’s life; after they arrived, you had to play second fiddle. Some members have trouble with not being the centre of attention anymore.
DOES THAT SOUND LIKE YOU? The easiest answer is to join another order but the best answer is to actually become someone who gains the legitimate respect of the lodge. The Worshipful Master may be the guy walking under the crossed wands but the people who the lodge really respects are those who help to set up the lodge or organise the social activities or mentor the new members or pick up the old guys who can’t drive in anymore. Become the sort of person to whom the words “How can I help?” flow naturally.
CONCLUSION:
It’s not unusual to want to quit. I want to quit whenever I’m tired (especially if I feel that I have to do something). Just find the cause of the desire and treat it. Perhaps take a rest from doing any charges that you don’t already know backwards. Ask to be Charity Steward instead of Senior Deacon next time round. Speak to someone in the South who you don’t already know. Organise a social activity. At the very least, talk to someone who might understand and get it off your chest. Then, remember every time you’ve ever laughed in the lodge. When someone drifts from one charge into another without noticing or when the WM invests Brother Owl four times in a row or the deacons move too quickly and end up in front of the swordsmen and have to do another lap to get in the right place. Those are the times when Freemasonry sparkles for me. That is why I’m still here.